Before you discard this post thinking that it’s not applicable to you, chances are that you are a perfectionist, at least to a degree.

Social components such as academic performance, professional competition, parental expectations, and personal standards, combined with internal pressures of avoiding failure, judgments, criticism, and disapproval from others — all drive our need to be perfect — in one sense or another!

From various bodies of research, there are five styles of perfectionism:

#1 — Self-oriented perfectionism: Folks falling under this style have extremely high personal standards and are very self-critical.

#2 — Socially-prescribed perfectionism: These people believe that other people expect them to be perfect. They are constantly worrying about how others will perceive them if they fail to meet their expectations.

#3 — Other-oriented perfectionism: People in this bucket expect other people to be perfect and are highly critical of those who fail to meet their high expectations. Very often, a person who is other-oriented will also be self-oriented.

#4 — Overt perfectionism: This category of folks constantly fear failure. They will do everything they can to prevent it. They like to be in control and are often limited by their fixed mindset. You will find an overt perfectionist often avoiding a task or activity that they cannot do well.

#5 — Covert perfectionism: This is the hardest bunch to spot. This is where heads and hands don’t align. Externally, they will portray themselves to be average kinds or laid back, but internally, they secretly want to succeed. In doing so, their thoughts mainly are of a perfectionist nature.

Take a moment here. Which category do you identify yourself with? Personally, I am a blend of #2 and #3. The more I become aware of this tendency, the more I am able to bust my perfectionism.

Come to think of it perfectionism is an illusion. It is an impossibility. Seriously, how would you define it for yourself? Can you ever be 100% sure that it is perfect? How do you know your email is perfect? How do you know that your presentation is nothing less than perfect? How do you know your dress is perfect? How do you know your newly purchased home is perfectly perfect? How do you know your weight is perfect? How do you know your partner is perfect? Seriously, how??

Perfectionism is a never-ending and self-sabotaging quest that can severely impact our mental, physical, and social health. It can damage our self-esteem, make us feel unworthy, not have many close friends, and put a strain on our close relationships.

On the professional side, perfectionism can actually diminish your creativity and productivity. It can lead to procrastination, conspiracy thinking, an all-or-nothing mindset, and a propensity to avoid taking risks.

Katie Rasmussen, a researcher on perfectionism at West Virginia University asserts that perfectionism is a self-defeating way of moving through the world. She warns us that we are heading towards an epidemic and a public health problem.

The best cure for perfectionism? Start accepting it. Start accepting the fact that you are a perfectionist — to some degree.

Perfectionism can sneak up on you and take over your thoughts and identity. Notice that sneaky voice inside of you that goes something like, “You’re stupid.” “You are a failure.” “You’re not like him/her.” Or, maybe that nagging need to overdeliver or put yourself or others through unrealistic timelines. Perhaps, blowing things out of proportion inside your head. Simply notice all of this. Be an observer to your thoughts, without assuming the identity of your thoughts. Trust me, it’s very difficult, yet at the same time highly doable!

Another thing I read from James Clear was the power of ‘attitude.’ “We all want solutions,” he said, “but what we really need are attitudes.” To cure your perfectionism, you need an attitude of resilience. You need an attitude of excellence and not just chasing perfectionism. By being more mindful of this distinction, you can learn to move past perfectionism and live life more freely.

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First published on LinkedIn.