In which areas of your life would you like to spend more quality time?
Whatever area you wish to spend more time in, let that not be spent with a comparison mindset. A 2008 study found that comparative thought accounted for 12% of all our thoughts. Roughly translated to about 2 hours per day is what we spend comparing ourselves to others.
Social media has only intensified this pattern even further. In India alone, people spend just under 3 hours per day (that’s about 18% of our waking hours) on social media. Almost 90% of all posts across Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are reels highlighting other people’s lives. In other words, social media is constantly bombarding us with a subscribed notion of #success and #happiness, making us miserable about what we feel we lack.
If you do the math, about 30% of our day is spent going down the spiral of misery because of this comparison. Umm… Genius me 😉
From time to time I have personally been guilty of comparing myself with other people who are more successful than me – professionally and financially. It’s only human to do so. When I first switched careers from being an IT professional to being a #humanpotential #lifecoach, I spent miserable hours comparing myself to every other coach out there who would say they have freedom of time, money, and purpose. I would secretly envy them. Even today, I do find myself comparing myself to coaches who have been in the field for 15 and 20 years.
In the days of tribes and bushmen, comparing and placing ourselves relative to others had its own set of evolutionary benefits. But today, comparison has become an epidemic and a source of great distress.
Here are some of my favorite examples of daily comparison:
- I wish I could dress like him/her.
- I only wish my body would look like him/her.
- I wish I could own the stage like him/her.
- I wish I could speak in public like him/her.
- I wish I could have a bigger community than him/her.
Deep down inside, the root of all comparison lies in a thought pattern of “I am not enough.” Thoughts about not having enough money, skills, talents, connections, friends, clients, and other materialistic things can end up completely swallowing you. Feelings of jealousy, frustration, and hopelessness emerge if this thought pattern deepens, skewing our judgment and leading to constant anxiety, unworthiness, and even depression.
#Comparison is the thief of all our joy. Our #insecurities are #universal. And I have learned this the hard way. Being a lifelong learner of human #behavior and #potential, I have realized that comparison is a popular game of our #ego. Our ego craves us to be superior and unique all the time. But as the American writer Joyce Meyer said, “Stop comparing yourself to other people: you are an original. We are all different and it’s okay.” Or, as Kristina says, “Embrace your #Flawesomeness!”
The bottom line is: Your comparison is never fair. We often compare our lesser qualities to a person’s best qualities. It comes at the cost of our emotional experience. No one (well except a few) would really open up about their own insecurities, struggles, and failures to the world. There are so many factors and circumstances that are not equal between two people, so making a direct comparison would be pointless and truly impossible.
There are three lessons (or perspectives) that I have for you… … if you have reached this far along in this post.
#1 If you find yourself comparing yourself with someone, take a step back and think about the bigger picture. If you compare yourself with someone, you have to compare yourself to all of their private challenges, struggles, and failures (and even possible stories of bankruptcies or relationship breakdowns!) Are you really willing to do that?
#2 F*ck comparing. Embrace a mindset of play and possibilities. Start fueling your curiosity. Embrace a beginner’s attitude from time to time. This isn’t a race as much as we feel like being in one. Constantly comparing yourself to others can be a huge barrier to reaching for your dreams. Choose to take your life step by step.
#3 As much as we want, we cannot completely eliminate comparison. So, use comparison as a tool for #motivation. As Simon Sinek calls it (in his book The Infinite Game https://amzn.to/474Ft3Y) have a Worthy Rival. According to Sinek, a Worthy Rival is another player in the game who is worthy of comparison. We simply acknowledge that they have strengths and abilities from which we could learn a thing or two. Our Worthy Rivals help us do two things: they reveal our weaknesses and inspire us to take on an #attitude of #improvement. In doing so, comparisons can be a healthy catalyst for #change.
So, coming back to my initial question and rephrasing it, “In which areas of your life would you like to consider having Worthy Rivals?”
#ReinventYourself #YesYouCanChange #PersonalGrowth