Many of us are caught in the relentless hustle of modern life, racing through days without savoring meaningful moments. From endless emails to urgent requests, it’s all too easy to lose sight of the true significance of our daily existence. At a general level, our daily agenda often boils down to this: Wake up, Survive through the day, Go back to sleep. This is especially true in January when we put a lot of pressure on ourselves with all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘have-tos’. We tend to lose out on the joy of deliberate living.

We measure success against societal milestones and judge ourselves continuously. Researchers have outlined a set of 25 life milestones and designated ages by which we are expected to achieve them to be deemed successful. These benchmarks, such as obtaining a driver’s license at 18, getting married by 27, owning your first house by 29, or, earning above the average salary by 30 inadvertently shape our perceptions of success. Succumbing to these pressures, many of us blindly follow a prescribed path. If you are not hitting these milestones, you are termed a failure, so who would dare to question them?

The consequence of this societal conformity is a life on autopilot, devoid of true purpose or direction. And before long, we end up someplace in our personal or professional lives where we never intended to be, and we have no idea how we got there. This is what I call drifting through life. We subscribe to a herd mentality thinking that there is only one way to succeed in life.

But, in reality, this state of drifting through life prevents us from recognizing our own potential, leading to inertia and a mundane existence. We end up being complacent and simply fail to move forward.

A client of mine, with nearly three decades in the same company, exemplifies this stagnation. Despite feeling unfulfilled and surpassed by younger colleagues, he struggles to articulate why he chose his career path, stating, “I simply went with the flow.”

Living an unremarkable life has far-reaching consequences. Studies indicate alarming rates of antidepressant prescriptions, especially among teenagers. In the UK, a study showed that about 37% of teenagers had been prescribed antidepressants to treat depression. Not very far behind, in India, another study showed this number to be around 21%. The prevalence of social media has only exacerbated this issue. On social media, we compare our real lives with the curated lives of others and end up feeling miserable. I won’t be surprised if, by the end of this decade, depression crosses obesity as the world’s number 1 health risk. That’s quite a deeply concerning prediction, isn’t it?

Recognize your authority over your life

Many individuals inadvertently fall into the habit of living life as victims. Paradoxically, while we dislike hearing excuses from others, we frequently resort to them when it comes to our own lives. In doing so, we play the role of innocent sufferers, seemingly lacking control over ourselves or our situation. Consequently, we consistently deflect responsibility outward, placing blame on the external world for our troubles and miseries.

My realization that I, too, was playing the victim came in 2001. Despite graduating as a computer engineer with two job offers, life took an unexpected turn. The aftermath of the dot-com bubble burst and the September 11 terrorist attacks in the US led to both job offers being indefinitely postponed. As a fresh engineering graduate, I found myself unemployed and directionless, having already achieved some of the milestones I mentioned earlier. I was disoriented and feeling lost.

Faced with such circumstances, embracing the narrative of victimhood would have been easy. Blaming the situation and feeling helpless could have been a natural response. It could have been effortless to convince both myself and my parents that I was powerless to change the situation. However, I made a different choice. During the recession economy, I decided to invest in further education, a path I hadn’t considered before. Most of my friends had already subscribed to the B.E.-M.S. pathway, a common prescription for success. For me, it was a conscious and aware decision, not merely following the well-trodden path.

Every action, whether conscious or unconscious, contributes to silently writing one’s life story, one day at a time. Whether driven by intentional choices or societal expectations, this narrative continues to evolve. Those who don’t take ownership of their stories and merely drift through life tend to feel powerless over what’s happening in their lives.

Every disagreeable choice, every assumption, every succumbed fear, every forced decision, and every instance of saying yes when you truly wanted to say no adds an unwanted storyline to your life. So, regardless of how much you may appear to play the victim, you are invariably scripting your life.

The analogy presented by Warren Buffett about a dream car really resonated with me. Speaking to a group of university students, he said, “Let’s say that I offer to buy you the car of your dreams. You can pick out any car that you want. You name it and it will be standing outside your house the next morning. The car you have always wanted in your lifetime. The only catch is that it’s the only car you’re ever going to get in your entire life. Just this one car and you have to use it all your life. Now, knowing that how would you treat that car?”

Take a moment to reflect on it. Wouldn’t you do everything you can to protect that dream car because you recognize it as the one you’ve always wanted, and it’s the only one you’ll ever have? Wouldn’t you go to great lengths to protect that dream car? Would you ever let your best friend take it out for a ride or decide which car service station to take it to?

Just as you can take cumulative responsibility for your dream vehicle, why not recognize the authorship of your life? Acknowledging this authorship quickly sifts out all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘haves’ from your wants. In other words, it gives you the power to identify and stick to your genuine needs and wants amidst the societal pressures of ‘shoulds’ and ‘have-tos.’

Acknowledging the authorship of my life has marked a crucial turning point in my journey. This change in perspective has empowered me to make decisions aligned with my values and beliefs, rather than feeling compelled to conform to external expectations. It has allowed me to make conscious decisions about my choices and how I want to spend my time. Moresoever, this newfound awareness has given me the confidence to take risks and the freedom to create my own destiny.

I genuinely hope that you, too, come to acknowledge the authorship of your own life. Embrace the opportunity to actively participate in crafting a life that reflects your individuality and resonates with your authenticity. May this awareness empower you to make choices that lead to a fulfilling journey aligned with your true self.

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This article first appeared in my column titled “जिंकावे नि जगावेही” in Loksatta’s Chatturang supplement on February 10, 2024. Here is the link to the original article in Marathi.